Can She Lead?
“What are you thinking trying to be a leader? Maybe you have a ‘Jezebel spirit.’ Don’t you know your place? Do you not understand that your godly beauty is in your submission and serving? It does not matter whether or not the Spirit has gifted you. You will only be blessed if you use those gifts in your role as a “keeper at home.” Stay in the place God designed for you. There are still things that you can do to support men and their families and that is where your worth lies.”
Maybe you’ve heard a version of this and wondered if your desire to be more, to do more is just your flesh fighting against God’s will. You have been taught to question yourself, to lock away those desires that didn’t fit with the role you were told that God designed for you to have. Should you?
A great many women in the church have grappled with staying in their “place” while having to gaslight themselves into denying the Spirit’s call and gifting. They feel silenced, diminished and angry and then guilty for feeling that way.
Many times they are overwhelmed, under-appreciated, carrying the full load of marriage, parenting, work and church life. They are caught between cultural and church expectations, feeling like something is missing but not knowing what. They just want to be free to be themselves but feel trapped between expectations and longing.
Is there an answer for this that honors God and allows one to live their full design without guilt? Can she be a leader? Is there a way to unlock those parts of herself that long to be released and that she has only tentatively looked into?
Men are to lead and women are responders. Right? Every time I see a post about this I cringe. It assumes two things: women are not to be leaders or capable of being a leader, and, that women are just floundering waiting for men to lead us. Um, no.
Children need a leader. Adults do not. Children do not have the intellect or experience of an adult. They are not capable of making the assessments and decisions an adult can. So they need supervision and someone to lead them.
Adults are usually intelligent, capable human beings who are able to make rational decisions about their lives on their own. Women are adults and, therefore, not in need of someone to lead or supervise their lives. They can initiate not just respond.
Way back in Genesis, God acknowledged this. He could have told Eve that Adam was to lead and she was to follow him but He did not. Instead He said that male and female are both made in His image and that THEY were to rule and subdue the world together. Not only that, He said that man was not able to do this by himself. He needed someone that was his equal to partner with him to accomplish this great task.
Sin entered the world and ever since Adam has deemed himself solely in charge of all things, including Eve. Her God-given intellect, abilities and agency were discounted and she was forever to follow him even if sometimes he would lead them over a cliff.
In truth, men and women were, and are, both capable of leading. To flesh this out a bit more let’s dive into what exactly is a leader and how I unlock the leader in me.
leader /lē′dər/ noun
One that leads or guides.
One who is in charge or in command of others.
One who heads an organization.
One who has influence or power.
A leader forges the path, is in charge of those on the path, is the head, has influence and power and, has followers. Gender is not mentioned in this definition. But most women are told that none of those things apply to them just because they are women. A woman is quite capable of filling this definition regardless of what she is told.
Not let’s look at who is following this leader.
follower / fol-oh-er/ noun
a person that follows another.
a person who follows another in regard to their ideas or belief; disciple or adherent.
a person who imitates, copies, or takes another as a model or ideal.
an attendant, servant, or retainer.
A follower is led by another, takes on their beliefs, becomes their disciple, and serves the leader’s desires before their own. Again, we see no gender in the definition. But most women are told that all of these things apply to them just because they are women.
The status quo is that men are to lead and women are to follow. This paradigm is especially obvious in the church.
In the Bible there are the stories of two wives.
One followed her husband to the death and one’s husband had a heart attack and died when he heard what his wife had done against his orders. One woman lead in spite of her husband and one followed him. Which do you think was the righteous wife based on what we’ve talked about so far?
Abigail chose to step up and lead when her husband’s leadership doomed them all. Because of her actions she saved many lives by doing the right thing even though it was against her husband’s wishes. She chose not to follow Nabal, not to take him as her ideal and not to serve him in his commands.
Sapphira joined with her husband in his leadership to defraud the church and both she and her husband died because of it. She followed him, taking his ways as her ideal, copied his decision and attended to his wishes.
Nabal and Ananias were unfit to lead. Their wives then had the choice to do what was right in the eyes of the Lord or in the eyes of their unfit husbands. Abigail, in choosing the Lord, helped David to honor the Lord while Sapphira joined her husband in trying to deceive the Lord.
What do we make of this? Should Abigail have submitted to her husband in all things even if it got them killed? There are certainly churches that tell women that submitting to their husband even when he is wrong will be honored by God, that it is their godly duty and that they should protect his ego by not pointing out his mistakes. I disagree.
We are to follow the Lord, His will, His ways and His commands regardless of what anyone else thinks, including those closest to us. We have a God and our husband is not Him. We are to be his partner not his obedient subject.
In addition, women, who are adults, can think for themselves, make decisions that honor God and submit to the Lord in willing obedience to Him alone.
Women do not move from intelligent, capable adulthood to reverting to child status when they marry. If single women are able to run their lives well, lead their own lives and make decision on their own behalf then why would that change when they marry? Did something inherently change in her that suddenly made her not competent and in need of someone to lead her?
Did she lose intellect? Did she lose her priesthood and ambassador status and is now in need of someone to mediate her relationship with God?
Abigail’s leadership was unlocked and she was able to step forward into that role because of the circumstances that came upon her. When her husband made a terrible decision, that opened the door to her stepping into leadership. And she did well.
Abigail was actually her husband’s good partner for she took action to keep him from making a huge mistake. That is what men and women should do for one another. That is what ruling and subduing together looks like. It is a partnership.
This makes me think of Priscilla and Aquila who together spread the gospel, had a church in their home and helped Paul.
Abigail used her agency, intelligence and love for God to lead. He had equipped her and given her the same mandate in the garden as He gave to Eve. When opportunity came she stepped up to the call.
Women ARE to be leaders. Being a leader is actually a mandate for all believers. In 1 Peter we are told that we are all priests. We are all to lead others to the good news. We are all called to be God’s ambassadors to a fallen world. Women and men are to represent God in all aspects of life.
Like Abigail we might have to bypass the leader/follower paradigm that places women in a non-leadership position and a permanent follower position in order to do what is right. Unlike Abigail, we do not have to wait for unfortunate decisions to be made before we are unlocked and set free to lead.
If this has interested you and you’d like to read more, I invite you to check out my book, “The Extraordinary Woman.” You can find it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GP6193RZ