You Are Not a Duck
No matter what your inner bully says
I come to you, point my finger and say, "You are a duck."
Do you actually need to argue with me that you are not a duck? Will you desperately point out that you don't have webbed feet, a bill and feathers?
When I bring up that I've seen you swimming so, therefore, you are indeed a duck, will you then try to prove that humans happen to swim too?
If you argue about this rather than telling me that I am crazy, you have the perfect example of what happens with our inner bully.
We fight against the accusation when they are really just “duck thoughts” and can be ignored.
The great accuser of our soul
Most of us have an inner critic so we don’t need others to accuse us.
That voice is relentless. It won't stop with "I can't believe I did that." It continues with "I can't get anything right." "I'm such a loser." I always mess things up." "Why does anyone even want to be around me." I'm so stupid." "Everyone probably hates me." "I wouldn't want to be around me."
And, on and on and on. Duck thoughts.
Since all of this was in 1st person rather than someone standing there pointing their finger, we think it is our own voice. It's not. It comes from outside and has taken up residence in our minds.
It started most likely when you were young. Parents, teachers, abusers all gave you messages.
"You must be perfect to be loved."
"You are worthless and incompetent."
"You are lazy and never do your best."
"Why can't you be more like your sister?
The messages told you that you were not enough, you are imperfect, flawed, stupid, incompetent etc. Then you internalized the voice to "help" you become worthy, loved and significant.
Instead of a benevolent coach it became a malevolent tyrant. Now, it verbally abuses you constantly.
Just like you don’t have to prove you are not a duck, you don't have to engage in proving that you are not what the accuser tells you. Instead, just tell yourself, "NO AGREEMENT!" Or, to make it more obvious that the accusation is false, say, “I don’t argue with duck thoughts.
Defending and arguing are taking up your time and energy. As long as you are focused on the duck thought you are not free to actually live your life in Christ.
Don’t invite it in for tea
KNOCK, KNOCK
You open the door and there is the inner bully pointing its finger at you.
"You are a _____" You can fill in the blank here with its personal message to you.
So, you invite it in to discuss it. It then proceeds to point out everything you've ever done that "proves" its lie is true. You join in by adding to the conversation instances it hasn't pointed out.
Your head drops, your heart hurts, you are what it said.
Stop it!!!
Slam the door in its face. Turn to Christ who is always with you and ask Him what is true.
You: "I'm worthless."
Christ: "Seriously? Didn't I value you enough to die for you? Aren't I here with you now as I always am? You can’t possibly be worthless."
Funny that we listen to the lies more intently and believe them more readily than we do God's words to us.
Only Christ can reflect the true you
Take every thought captive to Christ. Every. Single. One.
If Christ would not think it about you then you shouldn’t either. Christ never condemns. He does not point His finger at you. He pointed it at Himself on the cross.
You have to stop the accusing thought the moment it comes to you. Refuse to give it any of your time, none of your heart and all of your resistance.
Have you ever seen a circus mirror?
You stand in front of one and it makes you short. Another makes you look taller or fatter or just weird. They are funny because you know that they are not an accurate reflection of who you are.
We see one another through our own imperfect understanding of life. We also see ourselves imperfectly. So, if you are trying to find yourself by looking at others, you will always get a warped reflection back.
Except with Christ.
He knows you better than you could ever know yourself. And, He sees the true you - the perfected, glorified, called, chosen, adopted, loved and cherished eternal you. This is why we must go to Him if we are to know the truth about ourselves.
He will gently show us where we need to grow. He is careful with our hearts and understands that this side of heaven we are still in process.
Look only to Him to find yourself and don't accept anyone's warped reflection of you.
The truth will set you free
We don't get to pick and choose what to believe about ourselves if our desire is to follow God. We are only to believe what God says. He alone knows who we are and will become. He has the truth.
His truth says that you are loved, accepted, valuable, significant, chosen, holy, and that you are His child. He says that He sees you in eternity, holy, perfect, and glorified even though you do not yet experience it.
It's a done deal. All hell can't stop you from going to live with Him forever if you have placed your faith in what Christ has done for you.
All that is left for you is to accept His truth about you, to go deeper in your love relationship with Christ and to continue to grow in Him. Ignore the ridiculous duck thoughts. Embrace His thoughts of you.
Like a child, you will fall many times learning to walk on this path to the true you. But, since He already sees the completed, matured you in eternity, He is not discouraged when you do fall. We don't belittle and berate a child for those normal falls as they learn to walk. We need to give ourselves the same grace and understanding every time we stumble.
Freedom comes when my head and heart believe the same things as the Lord and I see myself through His eyes alone.
Continue to speak to your heart the way you would to a child. "I love you. You are amazing and I like you. You are growing up each day and I can't wait to see who you become. I am here for you always and I believe in you."
Christ gives you grace each day. Join Him in doing the same thing.
If you found this article interesting I invite you to take a look at my book, “Christian Self-love - transform your self-doubt to healthy self-esteem, confidence, and compassion. Find it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FJY4JTZ3